How Long?
by chimp1984
Summary: My first attempt at the funky song fics. FF is mentioned, Rated T for the coarse language and mention of a same sex relationship.


_**Ok, so this is my first attempt at those funky song fics I love reading so much! LOL! I used to listen to Hinder non-stop last year, then I stopped. And now I'm starting to listen to them again. Oh how I missed listening to their songs. LOL! I've missed a few parts of the song, but most of the song is in here. But I'll also changed one word to fit the story. I've changed "him/he" to "her/she" **_

**_The song is "How Long" by Hinder_**

* * *

_"Why'd you go and break what's already broken?_

_I try to take a breath but I'm already choking_

_How long 'til this goes away?"_

I know we haven't been doing all that well lately. But I was really trying. You seemed a little off tonight, when I left our home. So tonight, I figured I would surprise you. I had begged Grissom to me go home early, and after agreeing of coming in early tomorrow to finish case, he let me go.

On the way home, I stopped by a flower shop and got a bunch of your favorite flowers. I went to the video store to rent that movie you've been raving about all month. Last but not least, I stopped by the liquor store and got a bottle of your favorite wine. I want to spoil you and let you know I still love you and that I'm sorry for not being around these past few weeks.

I quietly open the door, as the lights in the house were not on. I figured I would surprise you and join you in bed. We could watch the movie together in our bed, and then talk over the bottle of wine.

As I'm walking up the stairs, I see a light on in our bedroom. I hear noises coming from our bedroom, also. I've heard those noises before. I know what it is, but the masochist in me has to go and see. It's getting harder to breathe, I know what is coming.

I open the door and there you are, you and Sofia fucking

"Sof… oh God Sophia, don't stop…" you beg her, as she finger fucks you

"Catherine! Good God that feels so good!" Sofia says as you finger fuck her too

"I love you" I hear you say to Sofia

I feel like my whole life has ended. I walk out, leaving the flowers and wine in front of the bedroom door so you know I was there.

"_I try to remember to forget you_

_But I break down every time I do_

_It's left me less than zero_

_Beat down and bruised_

_I can't see her with you"_

I'm back at the liquor store, staring at my old friend. I haven't felt this desperate to forget in awhile. But when I see you begging her for release, I fill my basket with my old friend. Ignoring the looks I get from the cashier

I go back to my apartment. Thank God, I kept this apartment. I was going to sell it next month. That's how secure I felt in our relationship. I thought we were going forward, I guess not.

I'm drowning my sorrows. Why must I always be the one hurt? I told myself I wouldn't get hurt again; don't love until you know it's the real thing. After my last break-up, I said I was turning my heart to ice. Obviously ice is not good enough. Catherine melted the ice around my heart with a few simple words. Maybe I should build stone walls around my heart? So if someone really wants my heart they are going to have to go get through the thick walls around my heart. That way, my heart will be harder to break.

Those images of you two together, I can't get them out of my fucking head! I throw my glass against the wall, and punch the mirror, breaking it into pieces. Pieces of glass are stuck in my hand. I don't give a fuck, really. Physical pain is much better than the emotional pain I'm feeling

"_Why'd you go and break what's already broken?_

_I try to take a breath, but I'm already choking_

'_Cause everywhere I look I can see how you hold her_

_How long 'til this goes away?"_

You've tried calling me, at home and on my cell. But I don't want to talk to you. I drown myself in alcohol and work. I avoid you at work. I don't want to see you, ever again. But that's stupid, I know. I fucking work with you!

I walk into the locker room and stop dead in my tracks. There you are, Sofia holding you close… with such tenderness. You're holding onto Sofia like it's the last time you're going to see her, crying into her chest. You tell her it was a mistake; you don't love her because you love me. Well, you're not getting me! You cheated. You can have your stupid fuck buddy

I go home with my new friends; they are now Smirnoff, Bacardi, Tequila and Heineken. I know I shouldn't mix alcohol, but frankly, I don't give a shit! I'm so fucking angry with myself for thinking you'd want to spend your life with me. You're a whore, of course, you can't stay with just **one** person. You need sex, and when you don't get it, you go elsewhere, making me feel inadequate to your needs

I want this pain to go away! God dammit! Why does it hurt so much? I punch my bathroom door, drawing blood from my knuckles. I feel better, for now. Until I wake up tomorrow

"_I can't seem to get my heart over you_

'_Cause you creep into everything I do_

_And now I'm dying to know_

_How she_ _touches you_

_I can't see her with you"_

Months have passed, having to see you and her together. You look at me with worry and concern when you see my bruised and red raw hands. I give you a cold stare. You did this. You fucking did this so don't claim you care!

I leave my apartment to go to the gym in the basement. I don't want anymore damages to repair in my apartment, so I've decided to make use of the punching bags in the gym. I really should wear gloves, but I need to feel the physical pain. I don't like emotional pain.

I let my anger loose on the punching bag. I'm angry because I want to stop loving you, but I can't. I remember how happy you made me, despite our arguments. I'm angry because I want to be touching you like she does.

I swear I smell your perfume. I keep hitting the bag, I don't want to stop until I'm too sore to even lift my arms or blood drips on the floor

"_Why'd you go and break what's already broken?_

_I try to take a breath but I'm already choking_

'_Cause everywhere I look I can see how you hold her_

_How long 'til this goes away_

_How long 'til this goes away"_

"Fuck" I murmur. I hit the damn bag the wrong way. Last thing I need now is a broken hand. I grab the ice pack from my bag and sit on the bench

"Why do you do this to yourself, Sara?" I hear. It's your voice. There are so many emotions that are running through me, but what comes to the surface is the anger towards you

"Why do you care?" I spit

"Because I love you"

"Fuck you. You love Sofia" I say, getting up. Forgetting I injured my hand, I return to the punching bag. I don't want or need to hear you love me when you're with someone else. You two did this to me, but I don't have the heart to do it back as much as I would love to take that smug grin off Sofia's ugly face

"How long?" I ask, turning from the punching bag

"How long what?"

"How long were you two together before I walked in on you two fucking, you confessing your love for her?"

"You saw that?" you ask me

"Just answer the question"

"Why does it matter?"

"JUST ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION! HOW LONG?!?"

"I just don't see how that matters."

"Because it matters to me!"

"A few months"

"_I can tell you're lying when your lips move_

'_Cause of one lie it's not me it's you_

_It's left me less than zero_

_Beat down and bruised_

_I can't see her with you"_

"What happened with us? What did I do wrong?"

"It wasn't you, Sara. It was me. You did nothing wrong, but love me. But I couldn't handle all that love, I wasn't worthy of your love"

You're right, I loved you too much. I made a mistake in loving you. Thinking you'd never leave me because you promised. You promised me you never would, no matter what we were going through. I feel anger course through my veins and I turn to the bag again. I can feel the blood dropping off my fingertips from the bloody knuckles

"_She said she wants to be friends_

_I took a big step back_

_She said_

_She said_

_She said she's sorry_

_With one finger_

_With one finger_

_I said fuck that"_

"Look, Sara. I miss you. Can't we try being friends?" you ask me, eyes begging

I step away from the punching bag and I look at you. I would love to be your friend again. I miss you. Having you as a friend is better than not having you in my life at all.

"I'm sorry" you say, with tears coming down your face.

You think 'sorry' can take away all the pain you caused me? With those two words, I grab my bag and I flip you the bird.

"Fuck you" I say, walking away. I'm done with your fucking mind games

"Sara! Please! I can't live without you!" you scream after me

You should've thought about that before you broke my heart

* * *

**_So that's my first attempt at the song fics. I want to do another one, but I don't wanna torture you if this was crap... so yeah... let me know :-D Thanks for reading!_**


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